dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
