She's JV to your varsity
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
