ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize