i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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