I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
