So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize