Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
