i don't plan on having that self control this summer
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
