thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
