that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
