So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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