I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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