the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
