i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
