and you said cock pushups were impossible
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
