omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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