His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
