you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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