Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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