I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
