Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
