chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
