p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
