Need sex. Gaining weight.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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