the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
as a side note pls kill me
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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