I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
