I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize