I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
