Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
