Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
