I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
