What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
