hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
