Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
