Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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