A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
