just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
