omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
