im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
