If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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