i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
