peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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