The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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