Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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