I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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