Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
