i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
