Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
My hand turned me down
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
