i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
