The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
