It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
