I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
