You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
When are your genitals available?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
