we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
