I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
