called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
