He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
