worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
