Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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