She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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