just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
