Can i not drive my cunt home
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize