Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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