Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
