You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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