I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize