Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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