just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
